


Ineffable Vore

by Nara



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, DID I MENTION VORE?, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Hard vore, Ineffable Vore, Kink, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Vore, ineffable husbands, recently established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 11:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20114272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nara/pseuds/Nara
Summary: Aziraphale gets a little tail.(True life stories: I ate a part of my snake boyfriend while he jerked off to it.)





	Ineffable Vore

**Author's Note:**

> I am Cursed and now you are too.
> 
> I had the cursed thought the other day that Crowley one day watched Aziraphale eat something and spontaneously invented vore with his longing to be eaten by Aziraphale sexually. The combination of Gluttony and Lust was too delicious for Hell to turn down, even if they had no idea where the inspiration came from exactly.
> 
> I had to write this or else it would be stuck in my head forever.
> 
> I will never be free from sin.

Crowley was disgusted with himself. Well and truly disgusted. But also a bit turned on. He couldn’t help it! The way Aziraphale just sucked and swallowed those oysters – it placed unthinkable thoughts inside his head. And then…then is when he thought the unspeakable thoughts.

Truly, over the years it had been Aziraphale that had been the real source of temptation…with his desiring to eat and his mouth and all that swallowing.

Lust was one thing. Gluttony was another. But Lust and Gluttony together? Crowley was truly disgusted with himself. He’d probably receive a commendation from hell for this one.

(It was true, he did receive a commendation for this. He wouldn’t let Beelzebub give it to him. He was too ashamed of the source of the new sin…not that he would admit how he came up with it to the other demons.)

But it wasn’t until after the Apocawasn’t that he did something about it.

Crowley watched as Aziraphale took divine pleasure in his first bite of a cake after the end of the world didn’t happen. Aziraphale wiggled happily as he hummed around the spoon. Crowley watched his adam’s apple bob, his tongue flick out of his mouth. He imagined the cake falling down Aziraphale’s esophagus and landing in his stomach.

Oh, how Crowley wished he could be that bite of cake. Sliding down Aziraphale’s throat, a piece of him inside Aziraphale, being digested by his juices…become a part of him, his energy, his essence. Oh, what a pleasure to be that cake!

…Crowley was depraved.

He cleared his throat and Aziraphale looked up.

“Uh, Angel…in light of the, uh, world not ending, and the uh, fact of our…of our arrangement becoming a uh, relationship…might you consider…maybe, doing me a, uh…”

Aziraphale smiled fondly, “You can ask me anything, my dear.”

Crowley took a deep breath. “Wouldyoupleaseeatme?”

It took Aziraphale a moment to understand Crowley’s words, but when he did, he blushed furiously.

“Ah, right here? In the restaurant? You know that I’m happy to, but…well, I haven’t quite decided if exhibitionism is my thing and…”

Crowley waved his hands in front of him frantically. “No, no, no. Not like that. Well, sort of like that. But I don’t mean metaphorically, though I’m happy to do that later. I mean…I mean…literally. Would you eat me…literally?”

Aziraphale’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “You want me to literally…eat you.”

Crowley looked down at the table, unwilling to meet Aziraphale’s gaze. “Ah, not…not all of me. Maybe just a finger, or something? It’s not like these are our actual forms. It might even grow back for all I know!”

Aziraphale spluttered. “You want me to eat _your finger?_ I can’t…I’m not sure I can eat any part of your body like that!”

Crowley, still not meeting Aziraphale’s gaze, sunk down in his chair, despondent and embarrassed. “You’re right, it was stupid of me to ask. Please forget I said anything. It’s not like I’ve been thinking about this for hundreds of years or anything. I’m disgusting. You’re disgusted by me. I should leave…”

As he got up to leave, Aziraphale reached out and grabbed his sleeve. Crowley looked down and Aziraphale was glancing away, blushing.

“Well, Crowley…if you really wanted me to…not that I’ve thought about this before! But if it’s important to you that I…eat…part of you, I could maybe eat part of your tail? From your snake form? Not your whole tail, mind you, not too much, I really don’t want to hurt you no matter what you may have to say on the matter…but…that seems…reasonable?”

Crowley had zoned out the moment that Aziraphale had said he’d be willing to eat part of his tail. His tail! Why hadn’t Crowley thought of that before! Snake was a delicacy, something that was much more suited to his angel than a cannibalistic human _finger_. And it was his true form! Part of him, the real him, becoming a part of Aziraphale’s form and sustenance. Crowley flushed red just thinking about it.

“…If that would be okay with you, my dear…” Aziraphale finally looked back up at Crowley just as Crowley tuned back into the conversation. Crowley launched himself at Aziraphale.

“Yes! Oh angel, thank you! I know I’m being a bit depraved but you have no idea how much it means that you’re willing to indulge me.”

Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley but glanced around the restaurant, still trying to be a bit discreet. “Yes, well. I will do anything to make you happy. You are my life, Crowley. And I can’t deny that it sounds a bit…titillating…to have you become a part of me in that way.”

Crowley was positively beaming. “Oh, Angel! I love you! Not just for this, of course. But for you, and for how you meet me halfway, and…you’re a genius, you know, angel? Snake! Of course!”

Crowley threw some money down on the table to cover their meal and dragged Aziraphale out of the restaurant.

“Right now? Goodness!” Aziraphale laughed as a was pulled toward the Bentley.

Once in the car, Crowley peeled out of the parking lot at a speed that was remarkable even for him. He pulled out his phone and started googling recipes for snake.

“Do you have corn meal or corn flour, angel? It seems like frying is the best way to do this, from most of these recipes. I suppose we could always do something fancy like roasting over asparagus and risotto, but that might take too long and I have no idea how it would taste. I know frying isn’t really refined, but it seems like it might be our best option…”

“THE ROAD! CROWLEY, WATCH THE ROAD!” Aziraphale gripped tightly onto the seat as Crowley flipped through his phone, going 80 miles an hour down the London streets.

“What? Oh, hmmm…” Crowley put his phone away just as he pulled up in front of his flat. “I’ll just miracle up the ingredients we don’t have.”

Crowley stopped short just in front of his door and turned to face Aziraphale. He spoke quietly. “Thank you, you know. You really don’t…you really don’t have to do this if it’s abhorrent to you. I know…I know it seems quite depraved. But you spark these…_things_ in me that don’t make any sense. And I will be perfectly happy with anything if you said no…”

Aziraphale cupped Crowley’s cheeks and kissed him gently. “My dear…I’m…I’m not sure I get it. The idea certainly doesn’t do anything for me, uh, sexually, the way it seems to for you…” Crowley drooped, waiting for the ‘no’ that was sure to come next, “…but…doing for you absolutely does it for me. Sexually, emotionally. And so I will try. Just this once, though! I can’t imagine doing this regularly. It must be worse than discorporation, and I couldn’t handle losing you to, well, anything, let alone myself. So yes. It’s utterly bizarre. But I love you.”

Crowley turned his face so that Aziraphale couldn’t see the tears that had begun to form at the corner of his eyes behind his sunglasses. “Thank you, angel.”

“Of course. And…I think I’ve even heard of this, oh, fetish? I was doing some research into a new author that seemed quite popular called Neil Gaiman, and in one of his books, _American Gods_, I believe it was called…truly a ridiculous concept, but quite well executed, if entirely incorrect about the creation of God and everything, but I digress. In that book, a woman had sex with a man and then he was eaten by her vagina. In the discussions I heard about this book, the process was called ‘voring?’”

Crowley flushed. “Vore. That’s the, uh, basic word. It’s called Vore.”

Aziraphale hummed. “Vore. Very interesting. I wonder where it came from…?”

Crowley shoved his key into the lock and opened the door, pulling Aziraphale through. “I don’t know, it certainly is a mystery, but let’s get to it, shall we?”

Pulling the door shut behind them, Crowley rushed to his barely-used kitchen, searching for a knife that would be sharp enough to sever a piece of his tail. He couldn’t find one. With a sigh, he miracled a sharp cleaver into existence and presented it to Aziraphale.

“Oh, what? I…I have to cut off a bit of your tail?” Aziraphale stuttered nervously.

“Of course,” Crowley smirked, “Can’t cut off my own tail when I don’t have hands.”

Aziraphale took the knife and gingerly inspected it. After a moment he nodded. Crowley, about to transform, took a moment and miracled in all the ingredients and tools Aziraphale would need to cook his tail, as he was sure that neither of them would be in an exact state to remember the specifics of what they would need once Aziraphale cut it off. With that taken care of, Crowley transformed.

As a beautiful, enormous, black snake, Crowley slithered his way up the countertop and stretched himself out long, twitching his tail. He had to admit he was nervous. He didn’t much like pain, no one did, but the final outcome would be worth it in the end. Aziraphale held the handle of the cleaver tightly and anxiously stared at Crowley.

“Come on, angel,” Crowley soothed, “Let’sssss get thissss part over with quickly. Pleasssse.”

Aziraphale swallowed nervously, but approached the counter. With grim determination he readied the large knife, and with a THWACK it was done. A piece of tail, no more than an inch long, lay severed on the counter. Crowley hissed in pain and Aziraphale dropped the knife in the sink, grabbing a decorative wash towel and wetting it to clean the wound.

“Jussssst miracle it healed, Aziraphale! It’sssss not ssssserioussss enough that that would be a problem.” Crowley hissed.

“Oh! Oh! Of course!” Aziraphale snapped and the wound closed, scabbing over, then healing completely. A little awkward, and a little stumpy, but almost impossible to notice on the otherwise gigantic snake.

Aziraphale picked up the small piece of Crowley’s tail somewhat reluctantly and began to clean it, draining it of blood and removing the bone while keeping as much of the meat as possible intact. Crowley transformed back into his human form and rubbed his ass, hissing where it still hurt a little bit.

“You look like you know what you’re doing there, angel.”

“Well, I…” Aziraphale stuttered, “I’ve cleaned and prepared meats before, this isn’t…well, objectively it’s not much different. Even if it is emotionally different.”

Crowley wrapped one arm around Aziraphale and kissed him on the side of the head. “I know, love. Thank you. Now I’m going to go try and sit on the couch, and watch you get this party started.”

Aziraphale smiled and let his eyes trail after Crowley, who was stripping out of his pants. He saw Aziraphale watching and wiggled his hips a bit as he slowly pulled down his black boxer briefs. There was an angry red mark right above his tail bone, but otherwise no sign of external injury. Aziraphale couldn’t hide his relief as he saw that, and took a moment longer to admire Crowley’s ass before returning to the task at hand.

Aziraphale coated the bits of snake tail in a mixture of corn flour, milk, garlic powder, salt and pepper. He added a generous serving of oil to the pan with a little more garlic and turned the heat up to medium high. The smell of cooking garlic and oil sent a shiver of anticipation down Crowley’s spine. Normally he couldn’t care less about the smells of cooking food, but knowing that it was his own flesh that was about to be cooked, knowing that it was Aziraphale who would eat that flesh…it was almost too much for him.

Crowley took his cock in hand and gave it a few tentative strokes, already most of the way to hard. He bit his lip to muffle a groan so as not to disturb Aziraphale’s cooking.

Aziraphale dropped the pieces of Crowley’s tail into the heated oil, turning over the meat as needed. He felt a little odd, to be sure, but cooking was always a pleasurable activity and he could hear Crowley panting and stifling moans behind him. It sent a thrill through him to know that Crowley was feeling such pleasure.

Sensing that the tail was quickly approaching the point between “perfectly golden fried” and “burnt to a crisp,” Aziraphale grabbed a plate and covered it in some paper towel to catch the excess oil. After removing the tail from the pan and moving the pan off the burner, Aziraphale grabbed another, fancier plate for actually eating. He felt Crowley would want him to do this properly, so he miracled up a garnish of cucumber “snakes.” He chuckled to himself, feeling quite amused with the situation.

Aziraphale went to sit down next to Crowley on the couch, but Crowley gestured to the table with one hand, holding the base of his cock with the other. He was sweating profusely.

“Ah-angel. At the table. Pleasssssse. Properly.”

Aziraphale understood what he meant and went to sit at the table, tucking in his chair and laying his napkin in his lap. He picked up the fried piece of Crowley and examined it. If Crowley wanted a show, he would get a show. Aziraphale held the delicacy up to his nose and inhaled, savoring the scent of freshly fried food. In spite of the situation, or perhaps even because of it, he felt his mouth watering and butterflies flitted through his stomach. He took a tentative bite, closing his eyes and humming as he savored the flavor of his lover, the crunch of the heavy fry, and the simple flavor. As cliché as it sounds, it tasted a lot like chicken. A gentle meat, flavored by the garlic powder and corn meal, but full of love and lust.

Crowley watched Aziraphale eat with wide eyes, hand rapidly pumping his dick. He ran his thumb over the tip, smearing the precum down the sides of his shaft to make the glide smoother. Hissing in delight, he watched as Aziraphale savored. Crowley listened carefully for every little crunch, every little hum of pleasure. He watched Aziraphale’s adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, and Crowley moaned wantonly at the sight.

Aziraphale gave Crowley a quick glance. He looked utterly debauched, face flushed and sweating, his leaking cock sitting heaving against his stomach. Aziraphale licked his lips, tasting the grease, and popped the rest of the piece into his mouth. Having only an inch of meat, there wasn’t a lot to sample, but it seemed to be enough for Crowley.

Aziraphale put his hands together as if he was praying and touched the tip of his fingers to his lips. He hummed in satisfaction, feeling pleased he could bring Crowley to such a state under such circumstances. Dropping one hand, Aziraphale brought one of his greasy fingers to his mouth and licked. He turned to Crowley as the latter let out a startled cry.

“I...I’m close. Angel!”

Aziraphale made eye contact with Crowley and licked each of his fingers clean. Crowley whimpered and his hand stuttered on his cock, the pace becoming uneven.

Smiling, Aziraphale folded his napkin on the table and stood up. Pushing his chair back in, he put his hands behind his back and walked slowly towards Crowley. Crowley watched with wide eyes, hand still tentatively rubbing his aching cock, unsure of what his angel would do.

Aziraphale smirked, then leaned down and whispered into Crowley’s ear, “Absolutely scrummy.”

With a shout, Crowley came all over his hand and stomach, creamy liquid spilling onto the floor. Aziraphale took Crowley’s hand and brought the fingers to his mouth, licking them in much the same way he had licked his own a moment ago. Crowley whimpered again, overstimulated.

“A little extra protein is always a good thing, isn’t it?” Aziraphale said with a wink, dropping down on the couch next to Crowley, hand still held in his. Crowley blushed furiously and blushed some more when he realized he was blushing. After all of that, revealing his innermost kinky desire to his angel, and a little comment about _cum_ made him blush. He frowned and Aziraphale laughed, kissing the wrinkle between his eyebrows.

“Was it as good as you thought it would be?” Aziraphale asked.

Immediately Crowley melted into Aziraphale’s side. “Oh, angel. It was better. Absolutely divine. Er…depraved. Uh…well…honestly, both. And I loved every second of it. You’re too good to me.”

Aziraphale miracled away Crowley’s mess and pulled the demon into his lap, kissing him on the mouth.

“Oh, Crowley,” he breathed, “Nothing is too good for you. You deserve the world. Even the kinky things.”

Crowley laughed and dropped his head onto Aziraphale’s shoulder. “Well, now that I’ve revealed my deepest, kinkiest secret desire, is there anything you would like me to do for you? Anything depraved in that angelic head of yours?”

Aziraphale kissed the top of Crowley’s head. “Let me think about that, my dear, and I’ll get back to you.”

Crowley smiled into Aziraphale’s shoulder. “Of course, angel. After all, we have eternity now. And there’s always more kinks and sins to invent.”

Smacking Crowley playfully on the shoulder, Aziraphale smiled. “Oh, I suppose some sins can be forgiven, can’t they? Especially in the name of love.”

Crowley lifted his head to meet Aziraphale’s eyes. “Yes, especially in the name of love.”

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know if I like the ending but...how the hell do you end a vore fic?
> 
> I will never write anything like this again. I'm not trying to kinkshame, but this is definitely not my kink. But, as would be said in the early 2000s - the plot bunnies ran wild in my brain and this was pooped out. Or something.


End file.
